Wedding gift etiquette

Wedding gift-giving can be difficult to navigate – how much to spend, what to buy, gift or money? If you’ve never before been to a wedding it may be fearful unfamiliar territory. But, it’s important to remember that at the end of the day, the newlywed couple are simply happy that you’re there.

We spoke to Greta Kenyon, founder and editor of ‘Together Journal’ to find out her thoughts on wedding gift etiquette.

If the bride and groom haven’t specified either gift registry or wishing well, what
would you recommend giving?

Do your research. If you don’t know them that well, ask their parents, a friend of theirs or a member of the bridal party if they know of something the couple wants or needs. You could also opt for vouchers from a store or restaurant you know they like. Or go for something that’s not going to encroach too much on their own personal style like a monthly fresh flower subscription for six months or a year, depending on budget. Or a gorgeous Cire Trudon Candle that they can use but won’t be encumbered with for life if it’s not quite their style.

Is it frowned upon to buy a gift that isn’t from the gift registry?

Generally, if there is a registry you should use it. Most registry’s also have a voucher option too just in case you can’t find the perfect thing listed or the thing you would have preferred to buy has already been bought by another guest.

If you’re buying a gift, as opposed to contributing to the wishing well, should you spend the equivalent of the monetary amount you would have put in?

Generally, yes. But it’s up to your discretion too.

What amount would you recommend spending on each of the following: acquaintances, relatives, immediate family and close friends?

I think this question depends on your own personal financial situation. Real friends and family should not expect you to spend outside of your means and they should provide various options on a registry, so all financial situations are catered for.

It also depends on how set up the couple are, could they do with extra help? Is it a second marriage and do they already have lots of things? What did they spend on you?

And if you are feeling flush another tip would be to think about what the couple are spending on you for the day of the wedding, the cost of meals, alcohol, venue hire etc. You don’t have to match what they spend, but be aware they are shouting you and your partner (and potentially your family too) a lovely meal and experience.  

“Respect the couples wishes. Use a registry if they have one, don’t buy gifts if they don’t want them. And do your homework by asking around friends or the couple’s family if you are stuck on what to buy and there is no guidance or registry provided.“

If the bride and groom specify ‘no gifts’ and ‘no wishing well’ what is the etiquette?

I think you should respect the wishes of the couple. Especially these days with many couples preferring to be more environmentally friendly and reduce unnecessary clutter. Many people are also very rigid about their style and may not want to feel imposed upon with an object that doesn’t suit their aesthetic. And you can always write them a beautiful heartfelt card telling them what they mean to you either before or after the wedding.  

If you’ve travelled long distances (e.g the other side of the world) do you think it’s acceptable to forgo a gift/contribution?

Most couples would not expect a gift if you are travelling from afar and spending hefty amounts to be there. I personally think they should be happy you made the trip for them. But again, if you are feeling flush and you want to buy a gift on top of travel then that’s fine too. Do what you feel comfortable doing based on your own financial situation and do what makes you feel happy.  

What was the best wedding gift you received?

My kitchen aid from my grandparents as it will last a lifetime and I always think of them when I use it.  

What’s the best wedding gift you’ve ever given?

A piece of art that the couple really wanted and had on their registry, it was bought by a group of us. It still has pride of place in their home over ten years later and they adore it.

What’s your top tip for gift-giving?

Respect the couples wishes. Use a registry if they have one, don’t buy gifts if they don’t want them. And do your homework by asking around friends or the couple’s family if you are stuck on what to buy and there is no guidance or registry provided.  

And on another hand I would love to see more couples considering charity gifting, even just for a portion of the gifts requested. So, as a couple, if you don’t need the financial help or you don’t want wedding gifts, consider asking your guests to donate to a charity that is close to your heart instead of buying unnecessary items. Or forgo the unnecessary tradition of gifting favours to guests (so bad for the environment) and donate to a charity on their behalf instead. You could mention that you have done this on their behalf in your speeches on the night to make everyone feel good about their surprise charity contribution.